Dave Facts

1. Dave plays the drums. He tried out for Blue Man Group, but he kept eating the paint. They had to let him go.

2. Dave would fight a bear if he needed to, he just wouldn’t win.

3. During Dave’s tenure at college, he became the president of his fraternity. While some may be shocked at that, I’m not. He was the only one that was sober enough to show-up to the “important” meetings on campus.

4. Dave eats re-fried beans straight from the can on occasion. Its important to note that because Dave no longer shops for re-fried beans and cat food at the same time; it will take time to heal that wound.

5. There are SEVERAL Mario Party mini-games that Dave just does not get. This game is rated E for everyone.

6. Dave will unplug Kelley May’s phone and plug his in without saying anything. After he’s done, he leaves that shit unplugged out of spite. It’s hilarious.

7. Dave has seen Chippendale’s twice now. He is still hoping that he’ll be discovered from the crowd and that his life will change from that point on.

8. According to close sources, Dave showers with his boxers on. No one really understands why though. He keeps saying, “Well if there’s a fire…” Bitch, you’re in water.

9. Dave had a mustache for 6 months. He also didn’t date for six months.

10. Dave volunteered for the Big Brother program, but that didn’t last long. He won’t talk about why.

11. Dave thinks most “things” are food. If you hand him something, make sure you announce if its edible. His life is on your hands.

12. Dave is a really gifted dancer. We all want to support him, but he insists on only doing it in his underwear.

13. We once had an hour long debate where Dave argued that The Simpsons was a documentary.

14. Dave has eaten 4 Cracker Jack prizes during his childhood. While he claims it was accidental, he once said that it was like getting a prize twice.

15. Dave takes Jimmy John’s “Free Smells” policy seriously. That shit doesn’t vibe with COVID, bruh.

16. Dave likes to party. While Dave doesn’t like to fall, he does that too. Probably better than he parties.

17. Dave likes to listen to the Soundtrack to Mama Mia when he’s pooping. He says that it relaxes him.

18. Dave’s parents had to repeatedly tell him that Flintstones vitamins were not candy.

19. Dave has been known to growl at times. We have been trying to correct this behavior.

Dave Quotes